I wrote this last week after arriving here in Germany. There is so much more that I have to say, but I also have 2 weeks worth of email to catch up on, so more to come...
Tomorrow it will have been 1 week since we officially became temporary ex-pats. In 1 week I have learned much about myself, our family, and my daughter. There are so many stories to share that I was finding it difficult to write this first blog entry. I decided to hunker down though, and really focus on what this blog was meant to be, and that was sort of a Lonely Planet guide from a mom’s perspective.
The last 3 weeks or so have been a whirlwind of upheaval, goodbyes, and counting to 10. We have lived (temporarily) in 4 different places (3 with family and 1 hotel). From a parenting perspective, each place poses a different set of challenges - physically, emotionally, and mentally. Where will she sleep? What is there for her to eat? Is her crying keeping the neighbors up? I have a 2 part answer to all of these questions. The first part is that children are pretty easy. Keep them fed, make sure they get enough sleep, and hopefully; as a result, the crying will be kept to a minimum. The second part of my answer, and my first real piece of advice in this blog, is that when traveling with a child (infant, toddler, or otherwise) - keep it simple. In other words, you don’t need every item your child has ever played with, looked at, or hinted that they might need at some point in their upbringing. Only the essentials need apply. For our daughter this meant the following:
Backpack which contained carefully chosen toys that had few parts (you don’t want to be searching for so and so’s shoe or something), were expendable (thank god, because I know a certain dog that has a penchant for plastic dollar store trucks), and I knew she played with often. Think of it as a top 5 - 10 list of toys. More than 10, and you’ll be chasing something down during your journey.
Dora snacks which might not be your child’s thing, but I’m pretty sure mine would walk to the end of the Earth for a pack of these things. Whatever your child goes completely ga-ga over, whatever gives them that crazed crackhead look in their eye when they see a glimpse of the package. The health conscious need not apply here. If it’s lollipops, then that’s what you want. Mini-candy bars, fine. This is a break-in-case-of-emergency item, but also a great reward for good behavior too.
Blankie/stuffed animal, or other familiar bedding item. For some this is simple because their child has one blankie/animal that is a must have, but for others more difficult. For example, my daughter has a variable wardrobe of blankies so choosing one that I thought she’d be into that particular moment was difficult. Problem solved by placing one of her choice in her luggage, and a back-up in my luggage.
Technology, and this is a sticking point for me. Until Mairin was about 18 months old we did not allow her to watch television; save the occasional Rangers game during hockey season. I tried Baby Einstein DVDs at one point, but the minute she got the glazed over boob-tube face I turned it off. I truly have no agenda against TV; after a long day of work there is nothing better than sitting down with your favorite faces and zoning out, but I do think that kids should have a chance to explore their surroundings and form opinions before media begins telling them how to feel about things. Ok, that said, my daughter is a total Wiggles groupie. She knows every song, every dance, and this has been to my advantage. In today’s era of laptops, iTunes, and Smartphones find what your kid is into, put on your chosen device, and save for the right moment. My right moment in this case was the Iceland Express counter at Newark. While attempting to schmooze the ticketing agent into allowing all of our carry-on bags through, and rearranging items in order to not exceed weight limits, Mairin became really antsy. Problem solved, my husband handed her his iPhone, she heard the familiar music, and Bam! she’s out of the equation and allowing us to attend to the situation at hand. Second situation where technology has come in handy is during our first days in our German apartment. We do not have our TV hooked up yet, but each day after dinner Mairin is able to reunite with her beloved characters and relax with familiar stories and sounds on our laptops. Technology is both a blessing and a curse. Sent here to assist us, but can easily be misused; so my advice is handle with care, and use sparingly, or the glimmer will dissolve quickly.
Hugs, and lots of them. My daughter is in no means a clingy child; probably the complete opposite. As soon as she learned to walk at 8 months I can probably count on fingers alone the number of times she has elicited a hug from me. That may be an exaggeration, but certainly during our journey I found her sticking closer to me, and wanting more and more lap time as the scenery changed from familiar, to not-so-familiar, to foreign. For myself, and maybe this a reflection of my parenting skills, it would have been really easy to dismiss her need for more affection because it’s not a behavior I am used to with her. Kids are emotional beings though, and just like you or I want a pat on the back or a familiar hand to hold when the going gets rough, so do they.
Consistency which is like the archetypal word for good parenting. For myself, and I’m sure for others, easier said then done. But, seriously, while you’re traveling it is imperative that bedtime stay consistent (if traveling between time zones stick with the rule of thumb that when the sun goes to sleep so do we), mealtimes remain relatively intact, and bad behavior does not go unpunished. This last bit is really important when traveling to homes with other children. All parents do things differently, one way is not more right then another, just different. This being said, when in another home/environment continue to discipline your child as you would in your own home. For us this meant a few time-outs while her cousins continued to play, a few time-outs in the airport, and the loss of privileges. That last one is difficult as you’re traveling so what privileges does your child really have. Think small. During our wait at Newark, Mairin was enjoying taking the trash across the gate area to the trashcan. She did this several times for us as we ate dinner; each time being prompted to take it over to the same can, but being your typical 2 year old she then decided to take the trash to a different can that was out of sight of our seating area. A time-out followed and she lost the privilege to take the garbage. Queer? Totally. Insignificant? Not really. It’s consistent with our at-home parenting (listening to directions).
At the risk of sounding preachy I am going to quit while I’m ahead with this entry. I don’t want people to think I think of myself as super-parent because that certainly isn’t the case, but I do think that myself and my husband have learned a great deal from our experiences traveling coast to coast with our daughter, and now overseas. Hopefully I haven’t scared you all away...
